


Faith, and a Pigeon

by Bulette_Jerky



Category: Carpe Noctem, Vampire the Masquerade - Fandom, White Wolf, World of Darkness - Fandom, World of Insufficient Light
Genre: Gen, Jenessa talking at a pigeon that is actually just a pigeon, The Echo Chamber, everyone is abandoning Jenessa, everything is fine, imposter syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 12:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10854102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulette_Jerky/pseuds/Bulette_Jerky
Summary: The fourth goodbye note in three weeks, a pigeon, and a conversation. Everything is fine.





	Faith, and a Pigeon

There’s a note on Jenessa’s doorstep when she gets home one night. Unmarked, but she recognizes the handwriting and the smell - it’s scribbled on a sheet of loose-leaf in whiteboard marker, and smells slightly of damp earth.

_Jenessa-_  
_I'm leaving. Tell Arlean that I had something I had to go handle. Keep in touch._  
_-Carter_

She reads it and sighs. Thanks Carter. And how exactly am I supposed to do that when you don't mention where you're going. This city... Lily, then Aiden, now you leaving. Even without the people who've straight-up died, which is a nice list in and of itself. Who _else_ is disappearing?

She doesn’t expect the response she gets. _You're talking to a letter on your doorstep, you have problems._

I know that, Carter. You're not helping anything.

_I'm not actually here you know. The letter said I'm leaving.  
I might be in Obs though. You'd never know._

Jenessa glances around, and displays a middle finger at a nearby pigeon. It coos at her. She sits down on the doorstep and stares at the bird.

_It's just a pigeon, Jenessa; you know that._

She murmurs aloud, “yeah, I know that's not you. Everyone leaves; I should know that by now.”

The pigeon coos again.

_Why are you talking to Carter like he can hear you?_

“No one else around, so no one better to talk to.”

Coo.

_You have friends. You should talk to them before they leave too._

“Heh. Like Demetrios is going to want to talk to me now. And I'm not as close to Alexander as you. That leaves... what, Adam? Therese? Maybe Szymon, at a stretch? Never had a chance to sit down and talk to Dashel like you said.” She pauses, staring up at the pigeon. “Closest thing might be Becca. Not really sure what that says but it can't be good.”

_Your best friend is a Fae, and the most moral person in this city doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Two of your officers are gone now; when's Alexander leaving? Who will you get to replace him?_

“I don't know. I don't know. _I don't know_ , and someone is going to realize that and call me on it and I won't have an answer.” Her voice is going almost desperate. “I’m talking to myself and a _bird_ …”

_Everyone has you where they want, you know. People have died to get you in the position you're in right now. What will they say now when you fuck up? Who will want you if you make a mistake?_

“ _I know that_. I know Dave is dead. What if it's all just another mask, what happens when that breaks? More people will die, people who didn't need to, people who were relying on me, and that'll be on my hands. And... I don't know. I'll go down, or I'll vanish, try to start over somewhere.”

_It's all right; you're the Director of Safety: can just kill your problems now. You're okay with that now, right? What if Demetrios became a problem? What about Becca?_

“I-- No. _No_ , I can't be that. When it needs to happen, fine, I can do that, but... no, that's too far toward the Beast, that's not a solution for everything. There are always other options, at least at first.”

_Other options, yeah, of course. What happens if the problems get worse, and you could have stopped them with just one little bullet in one evil head? What then; all the faith everyone has put on you, the faith that made Carter leave and Dave ****_ **DIE** _, wasted because you didn't want to go_ toward the Beast _! What about that, Jenessa! WHAT THEN?_

She snarls at the pigeon, suddenly furious. “ _ **ENOUGH!**_ I _know_ , and I know I can kill someone, I did it to Tom Rick, I was seconds away from it with Lariat." The snap of rage fades. "And faith can be misplaced.”

The pigeon cooes panickedly as it flies away.

_...that was rude._

She just drops her head into her hands.  
“...yeah. sorry.”

_Don't be. Like I said, that pigeon isn't Carter. It's just a pigeon._

“Yeah. Never really thought it was, but it was around. Didn't seem all that scared, until…” Jenessa laughs, humorless. “I'd say I need more sleep, but it’s not that easy, is it?”

She waits a moment, and gets no further response. “Ah well. Not like you were helping anyway.” Jenessa finally stands up, glances after the pigeon, and goes inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Largely a transcript of a midnight-to-one-a.m. exchange. Thanks to player of Carter for indulging mild exasperation and turning it into something slightly horrible.


End file.
